To Live

I’ve experienced two passings that were exactly 7 days apart from each other.

7 days.

This past Friday, June 25th, 2021; I buried my beloved Auntie who came to the U.S. in 2005 to help raise my 3 siblings and I as my mother attended medical school. Now, I am preparing myself to see my math tutor that my family had in our lives for 11 years in a casket. Both of these individuals impacted my character in their own ways, so I am weeping because I am being forced to say an early goodbye. 

How am I supposed to feel?

What can I do?

I was going to ask Mr. Jones come to my college graduation this upcoming fall. 

I wanted my Auntie Linda to see me get married. 

How am I supposed to feel? 

What can I do? 

I wanted Mr. Jones to attend my little sister’s high school graduation, for as I stated above he tutored the two of us for 11 years. 

How am I supposed to feel?

What can I do? 

I’ve asked God, “why me?” for the past 8 days. I’ve tried to drink wine, have sex, read, watch old television shows, but nothing helps. Nothing is bringing these two exceptional human beings back on earth, nothing is healing me quicker. I told God, “I had things that I wanted to get done, I have to go to work, I don’t have time to be sad so...”

How am I supposed to feel? 

What can I do? 

There isn’t a way to feel, I have cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. I’ve had some moments of temporary happiness and moments where I feel like my heart is being severed by the knives of every evil spirit to walk this world.

How am I supposed to feel?

What can I do?

I can feel any way that I want to feel. 

I can live, for life does not come to all and it does not wait for all. 

To live or not to live. 

That is how I feel, and that is what I’ll do. 

Live. 

An Image of Jensen Mollet, Living.

Shot by: Mahdi Atif