The Transition into Motherhood

Wow, wow, wow… I’m officially a mother now.

I’m filled with so much joy and I am very proud of myself. This year was full of a lot of highs and lows, but I persevered no matter what the odds were. However, no one can prepare you for motherhood. I’ve learned that this is a journey, not a race. I’ve learned that there are things that I have to change about myself in order to be the best mother that I can be to my daughter, Nala.

A few things that I am working on are my priorities, time management, spending/saving habits, and self-care. The goal is to make progress daily, not perfection. There have been times where I was hard on myself, but I having been consistently giving myself grace and time.

As far as my priorities, they’ve changed since I became a mother. Prior to becoming a mother, my only responsibility I had was for myself. I would do absolutely anything to make myself happy and I attained every single goal that I had (besides a trip to Europe), before I had Nala. I’m so serious, everythinggg that I wanted… Everything that I dreamt of, I got it. I wanted to move to California, I did it. I wanted to become a Registered Nurse, I did it. I wanted to go to Coachella, I did it. I wanted to travel alone, I did it. I wanted to meet SZA and other celebrities, I did it. I wanted to grow my Instagram platform… I DID IT. I wanted to have my own business… I DID IT. How could I not be grateful? Now the things that I’d like to accomplish are centered around my daughter, and the things that were once important to me are no longer my main focus. God and Nala are my top priorities. I am no longer living just for myself, I have a daughter who needs me. Since I found out I was pregnant, my focus gradually started changing, and it still is! I was told that it takes some time to understand the new role that you’re in. I gave birth to Nala, but I also gave birth to my new self, so I have to take time to get to know “her”. I’m raising Nala, but I’m also raising me.

My time management is another change that I’m making. Getting things done throughout the day and being as productive as possible is something that I’d like to work on. Since Nala is still a newborn, she spends a lot of the day sleeping, so that gives me time to get things done around my home and work on myself (journaling, self-care etc.). Howeverrr, it’s very easy to take that time to binge watch my favorite shows and watch the day go by. It’s definitely something that I’m working on.

Before I became a mother my spending habits weren’t the best. I struggled with living beyond my means, and I loved luxurious things. I feel like I’m tending to my inner child now and I enjoy the simplicity of life. I have always been simple/low maintenance, but as I started to make more money as a nurse, the more I wanted to spend and buy things that I truly didn’t need. It’s hard to be a parent when you’re not in the best place financially, so it’s important for me to prioritize building healthy budgeting habits.

Lastly, I’ve noticed that it’s so easy to fall off your self-care routine when you become a mother. You’re so focused on providing for someone else that you forget to tend to your own needs. That being said, I’ve been trying to spend some time alone and do things that make me happy like exercising, face masks, going to coffee shops, spas, classes, yoga, and therapy. I just started to make this change this week so I look forward to the results that come from tending to myself again.

Oooof that was a lot. Like I said before the goal is progress not perfection. I’m changing, but it doesn’t mean that I’m perfect. I am trying my hardest every day to be the best version of myself not only for my daughter, but also myself.

Once again,

I’m raising her, but I’m also raising me.

The Best/Worst Parts of Pregnancy

Becoming pregnant is such a blessing. As a woman, you get the opportunity to create a life inside of you. It’s exciting and divine, it feels like you’re carrying a piece of heaven. However, I’m not gonna lie, the symptoms of pregnancy can be absolutely horrible. Since one of my mottos are, “warn the others!” I am going to take the time to educate you on the best and worst parts of pregnancy.

I didn’t know I was pregnant until I was 8 weeks along. I was experiencing a manic episode during this time and didn’t get the proper medical care until I was about 10 weeks pregnant. During a manic episode you lose sense of reality and can entire a psychosis which is what happened to me and it’s truly unfortunate. That being said, I honestly don’t remember much of the first trimester besides having nausea, being irritable, and I had two bloody noses. I’d say the first trimester wasn’t too bad physically, but I was going through a lot mentally. I would say regardless of my mental state, I was full of so much joy with the fact that I was going to become a mother. I never doubted my abilities to be a mom and never second guessed myself of my capability to become a mother. I was ready. It felt like I could dance all night long, that’s how excited I was and still am. I’d give the first trimester a 2/10, the excitement was there and my symptoms were mild, but that manic episode shook me and everyone close to me. Spooky vibes for sure.

Now the second trimester was a breeze physically. I had a whole gym routine, I was lifting weights, walking, running, shopping… I didn’t have nausea anymore, I was eating anything that I wanted to. It didn’t feel like I was pregnant because I didn’t have any symptoms and I wasn’t showing that much. Howeverrrr, girl the emotions?? I was a hot mess. I cried literally every day/every other day. I was stressed because I was recovering from my manic episode and all the trauma/drama that came with it. I was also depressed because of all the damage that I had been done during the episode, which is common for people that experience them. With all of this on my plate, I found I was pregnant in the midst of having an episode… I didn’t get the chance to catch my breath. My life was scattered and I had a lot going on in my personal life. I was gaining 10 pounds every week in June then I started to exercise in July which helped a lot with maintaining my weight. Towards the end of the second trimester things started to look up and I was slowly but surely on the path to forgiving myself for the manic episode and giving myself grace. All of this being said, I’d give the second trimester a 6/10. The fact that I didn’t have any physical symptoms and that I found out I’m having a girl really helped me, but the emotions were absolutely terrible. I will say, shout out to my baby for taking it easy on me physically during the second trimester, she’s a real one for that.

Girl… The third trimester is another beast. This is where I’d say, “warn the others!”, because it’s truly no joke. I’ll start with the positives though. Emotionally I am doing better than the second trimester. I have more control over my thoughts and feelings. I journal regularly which has been helpful. I’ve also been keeping to myself which has helped me gain focus and control over my life. I noticed that I have negative intrusive thoughts about my episode since I am starting to remember more, but I try my hardest to focus on deep breathing whenever those thoughts come to mind. I was able to do yoga during the first part of the third trimester, but it has become a lot harder to move my body as of late. I’m going to try my hardest to go to yoga regularly for the rest of my pregnancy, but I won’t beat myself up if I can’t. I’ve learned to accept that I had a manic episode this year and that I have bipolar disorder. I’ve also accepted that I can’t continue to blame myself for the events that occurred during the episode and that it’s time for everyone to move on including myself. I know who I am, I know what I deserve, and I am proud of the woman that I’ve become despite my imperfections. I accept everything about myself and I refuse to let 3 months of my life that I was completely out of it to destroy me and my self-esteem.

Let me get into the negative parts of the third trimester though. The pain is crazy, when I tell you everything hurts, believe me. My knees, my hips, my pelvis, my uterus, my back, my feet, even my arms… EVERYTHING hurts. Getting up is so difficult especially getting out of bed. I’ve had a few Braxton Hicks contractions which aren’t terrible, but they are discomforting. Besides the pain, I’m doing a lot better emotionally in comparison to the first and second trimester, but I have a lot of anxiety. It sounds ridiculous, but I am just starting to feel pregnant hahaha. I didn’t have a lot of physical symptoms in the first and second trimester, so now I tell myself, “ok I am about to have a baby in a few weeks. This is real. This WILL happen”. That being said, I get anxious from time to time about giving birth since it’s my first time and becoming a mother. I’ve been practicing positive affirmations and manifestations to help me with any self-doubt. I’ve also been setting standards for myself and my baby girl which has helped me become anxious and step into motherhood. All in all, I give the third trimester a 8/10 because my emotions are more intact and I look forward to the end of the finish line despite the pain that comes with it.

I hope that this journal entry was able to inspire or motivate you throughout your pregnancy. It gets better with time! In life there will always be positives and negatives no matter what you’re experiencing. Remember to give yourself grace, congratulate yourself on how far you’ve come, set standards, and focus on the blessings that have come your way.

Thank you for tapping into my blog.

XOXO,

Nosipho Relebohile Monese

New Nosi

One of my favorite Bible passages is Ecclesiastes 3:

“There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
4     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.”

And I truly believe this with all my heart and soul. Lately I’ve been feeling a transition with myself. I used to enjoy being around friends all the time, calls, partying, seeking validation, posting and so much more. However, now that I am about to become a mother I am focusing on my solitude and finishing out the rest of my pregnancy strong.

Becoming a mother is such a spiritual transition that only those that are mothers understand. You become a new person physically, emotionally, and spiritually. To me, physical part has been the stretch marks and changes in my body overall. Emotional changes have been awe-inspiring moments. Every time I look down at my belly I am in shock that I’m growing a human being. Every time I feel a kick it gives me a boost to keep going. Spiritually I have grown closer to God, I am the closest to Him than I have ever been. He is my rock during this transitional period.

I’ve been enjoying this season of solitude because I know that it in a few weeks my life is going to change forever, so I have been preparing myself for that drastic change. However, writing has always been a passion of mine, not only to help myself, but to inspire others. That being said, I’ll continue to do so at a more intimate level through my website that was truly my first baby. Creating this site sparked a light in me.

It’s safe to say that I’ve out grown a lot of things, people, and habits. It’s safe to say that I have become a different person, and that’s more than ok. I’m enjoying this change and embracing the life that has come to me.

Never run away from change. When God is redirecting you, listen. Disobeying God is the most dangerous thing to do. Remember that there is truly a time for everything.

2425

5-27-2024

I always thought that I am way too young to be making a “things I’ve learned in my twenties” post. I could’ve sworn that I haven’t reached that level yet. However, after attaining my bachelors, becoming a Registered Nurse, moving across the country, growing on social media, traveling the world, having a very public manic episode, being engaged, going to backstage VIP events…OH… And getting pregnant.. I think I owe it to myself to create a “things I’ve learned in my twenties” post.

1. Let the good times role… On a budget though or you WILL be broke throughout all of your twenties.

2. You can be friendly without being friends.

3. California girls ain’t got sh*t on the midwest baddies… I said it.

4. America is so different girl… States should truly be countries.

5. Stay up to date with the news around the world.

6. Be Useful.

7. Let those who don’t show appreciation for you walk away from you. Let those who love you, love you. There is no need to surround yourself with negative energy.

8. Bloom wherever you are planted, even if the soil is tough.. BLOOM.

9. If you have a problem with the government, be the change. Sitting and complaining about it isn’t doing much for our society.

10. Our generation is ruthless. I love it.

11. Smiling is free. Don’t be a brat.

12. Be mindful of who you exert your energy to, there are some people in the world that want to use your energy to better themselves… Those people are also called leeches or serpents… Snakes… Blood suckers. Those are not your friends.

13. You are more than enough. Even if you have to walk alone sometimes, know that you are more than enough. You are excellence, and it is 1000% okay to be alone, if you feel lonely when you are alone lean to God and your God-given gifts. Your Nosipho’s (“gift from God”).

14. CUT THAT FAKE A$$ FRIEND OFF. CUT THAT BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND OFF… HONEY… Let me tell you something, if you are gonna sit here and waste your twenties on someone who clearly does not love you, who does not want to learn how to love you, who does not WANT you… be my guest. However, you will be much happier walking ALONE than feening off of the fake validation that you’re seeking from someone who doesn’t even blink an eye at your existence.

15. Drink more water bookie bear.

16. SLEEP. There is no reason for you to be awake unless you have a child or something… Go to bed.

17. Move your body. As you age you’ll notice that your body is changing/aging too, so take advantage of your youth.

18. Take the risk. Take the leap of faith. This is your time to make moves, memories and mistakes without people saying you’re, “too old”.

19. Pray. Your relationship with God should begin to increase as your journey in life lengthens. I find that attending church, prayer, and manifestations have helped me the most during my twenties.

20. Protect your peace. This can be practiced in many ways such as, taking that day off for your mental health. Honestly, taking time to give your brain a a break to rest is not only necessary, but healing. I’m team, CALL IN TO PROTECT YOUR SANITY. We all need a day to breathe sometimes.

I hope this was able to give you some clarity into the reality of being in your twenties.

Lots of love to you,

Nosipho Relebohile Monese, BSN, RN, CEO.

Boundaries

6/2/2024

I am currently learning how to set boundaries with everyone in my life. The first quarter of my life I was a people pleaser. I was also spineless at times, I would let certain people (including family members) walk all over me because I was seeking validation from them, or I was scared of their reaction if I were to advocate for myself.

Well, I am expecting a child now. I am currently 14 weeks pregnant, I don’t have time to sit and worry about people’s opinions of me, I need to be able to set boundaries not only for myself, but to protect my child.

Here are a list of boundaries that I’ve made for me and my child:

1. Wash or sanitize your hands before touching my baby!

2. No posting my child on social media without my permission.

3. Do not speak negatively about me or the child’s father especially around my child.

4. No unannounced visits.

5. If you dare to criticize my parenting, you will no longer have access to me or my child, period.

6. No baby passing, (handing my baby off to other people).

7. If my baby is crying, give me back my child.

8. Do not come to the hospital unless I personally invited you.

9. Teeth should be rushed before you kiss my child (for family).

10. DO NOT PLAY VIDEOS FOR MY CHILD! I am limiting and monitoring my child’s screen time, this includes Ms. Rachel, Cocomelon, and Bluey! If you are unable to watch my child without distracting them with a screen, then DO NOT BABYSIT MY CHILD.

11. Do not cuss or use vulgar language in front of my child.

12. Ask if you can hold my child before reaching for them.

These are a few rules/boundaries that I am setting, I’m sure the list will increase as time goes on, but I thought that it would a great idea to get started.

Take care of yourself and never let people cross your boundaries that YOU have set.

-Nosipho Relebohile Monese, BSN, RN, CEO.