The Best/Worst Parts of Pregnancy
Becoming pregnant is such a blessing. As a woman, you get the opportunity to create a life inside of you. It’s exciting and divine, it feels like you’re carrying a piece of heaven. However, I’m not gonna lie, the symptoms of pregnancy can be absolutely horrible. Since one of my mottos are, “warn the others!” I am going to take the time to educate you on the best and worst parts of pregnancy.
I didn’t know I was pregnant until I was 8 weeks along. I was experiencing a manic episode during this time and didn’t get the proper medical care until I was about 10 weeks pregnant. During a manic episode you lose sense of reality and can entire a psychosis which is what happened to me and it’s truly unfortunate. That being said, I honestly don’t remember much of the first trimester besides having nausea, being irritable, and I had two bloody noses. I’d say the first trimester wasn’t too bad physically, but I was going through a lot mentally. I would say regardless of my mental state, I was full of so much joy with the fact that I was going to become a mother. I never doubted my abilities to be a mom and never second guessed myself of my capability to become a mother. I was ready. It felt like I could dance all night long, that’s how excited I was and still am. I’d give the first trimester a 2/10, the excitement was there and my symptoms were mild, but that manic episode shook me and everyone close to me. Spooky vibes for sure.
Now the second trimester was a breeze physically. I had a whole gym routine, I was lifting weights, walking, running, shopping… I didn’t have nausea anymore, I was eating anything that I wanted to. It didn’t feel like I was pregnant because I didn’t have any symptoms and I wasn’t showing that much. Howeverrrr, girl the emotions?? I was a hot mess. I cried literally every day/every other day. I was stressed because I was recovering from my manic episode and all the trauma/drama that came with it. I was also depressed because of all the damage that I had been done during the episode, which is common for people that experience them. With all of this on my plate, I found I was pregnant in the midst of having an episode… I didn’t get the chance to catch my breath. My life was scattered and I had a lot going on in my personal life. I was gaining 10 pounds every week in June then I started to exercise in July which helped a lot with maintaining my weight. Towards the end of the second trimester things started to look up and I was slowly but surely on the path to forgiving myself for the manic episode and giving myself grace. All of this being said, I’d give the second trimester a 6/10. The fact that I didn’t have any physical symptoms and that I found out I’m having a girl really helped me, but the emotions were absolutely terrible. I will say, shout out to my baby for taking it easy on me physically during the second trimester, she’s a real one for that.
Girl… The third trimester is another beast. This is where I’d say, “warn the others!”, because it’s truly no joke. I’ll start with the positives though. Emotionally I am doing better than the second trimester. I have more control over my thoughts and feelings. I journal regularly which has been helpful. I’ve also been keeping to myself which has helped me gain focus and control over my life. I noticed that I have negative intrusive thoughts about my episode since I am starting to remember more, but I try my hardest to focus on deep breathing whenever those thoughts come to mind. I was able to do yoga during the first part of the third trimester, but it has become a lot harder to move my body as of late. I’m going to try my hardest to go to yoga regularly for the rest of my pregnancy, but I won’t beat myself up if I can’t. I’ve learned to accept that I had a manic episode this year and that I have bipolar disorder. I’ve also accepted that I can’t continue to blame myself for the events that occurred during the episode and that it’s time for everyone to move on including myself. I know who I am, I know what I deserve, and I am proud of the woman that I’ve become despite my imperfections. I accept everything about myself and I refuse to let 3 months of my life that I was completely out of it to destroy me and my self-esteem.
Let me get into the negative parts of the third trimester though. The pain is crazy, when I tell you everything hurts, believe me. My knees, my hips, my pelvis, my uterus, my back, my feet, even my arms… EVERYTHING hurts. Getting up is so difficult especially getting out of bed. I’ve had a few Braxton Hicks contractions which aren’t terrible, but they are discomforting. Besides the pain, I’m doing a lot better emotionally in comparison to the first and second trimester, but I have a lot of anxiety. It sounds ridiculous, but I am just starting to feel pregnant hahaha. I didn’t have a lot of physical symptoms in the first and second trimester, so now I tell myself, “ok I am about to have a baby in a few weeks. This is real. This WILL happen”. That being said, I get anxious from time to time about giving birth since it’s my first time and becoming a mother. I’ve been practicing positive affirmations and manifestations to help me with any self-doubt. I’ve also been setting standards for myself and my baby girl which has helped me become anxious and step into motherhood. All in all, I give the third trimester a 8/10 because my emotions are more intact and I look forward to the end of the finish line despite the pain that comes with it.
I hope that this journal entry was able to inspire or motivate you throughout your pregnancy. It gets better with time! In life there will always be positives and negatives no matter what you’re experiencing. Remember to give yourself grace, congratulate yourself on how far you’ve come, set standards, and focus on the blessings that have come your way.
Thank you for tapping into my blog.
XOXO,
Nosipho Relebohile Monese